How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
