You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
