first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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