so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How does it feel to date your dad?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
