I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
