You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
