I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Do vagina's smell?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
