I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize