He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
