i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I believe in your delicious
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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