y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
this will be a night to untag.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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