I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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