He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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