Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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