The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
