my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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