im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
