his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
