I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
