I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
