I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
