shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
