I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
