So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
