Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
