just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
