hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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