someone threw a dead crab at me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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