My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
