Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
