I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
