Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize