PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
