you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
