I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
