i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
