The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
