I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
