hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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