Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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