Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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