Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
