I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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