I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sorry my hands just texted you
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
