the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
