my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
