Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
