do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
