KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
