My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
