Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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