There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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