you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
