she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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