You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
