Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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