Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
