my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
