I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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