I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
