My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
