you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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