I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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