By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
