She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
