it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
